Monday, June 21, 2010

Kind of Weepy

I found myself kind of weepy this weekend. I don't think it was this and if it was, I don't want to talk about it.

I think it was the Father's Day thing. Now please understand, I don't have the beaver cleaver kind of experience with my dad. But he was my dad and he's gone now. I think I was sad for the loss of opportunity. While he was alive, there was always hope. Hope that he'd come around, be a good dad and even at 46, yes I wanted that. But his choices and eventually Alzheimer's stole that hope from us both.

I was given some sweet time with him over the last 3 years of his life. God's gift to me. My heavenly Father filled many holes left by my earthly father. I have always known I was loved. Even in the times my earthly father failed, my heavenly Father never failed. I am so blessed.

When I finally figured out that I was just a little sad about dad, I got better. After all, my girls were in town and we celebrated their dad, the love of my life.

But it took being quiet with my heavenly Father to finally hear. There's my real challenge, being quiet. But I don't want to talk about that now either. :-)


1 comment:

barb said...

Well, you've been weepy and I've been bitchy. It may be this:
or it could be a number of losses I've experienced in a very short amount of time. However, I'm with you in the realization of what I have to be grateful for. I just need to accept the loss and let myself find joy and gratitude in what (and who) remains.