Thursday, March 12, 2009

a friend shared this with me

The Bathing Suit

When I was a child in the 1960's the bathing suit for the mature figure was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job. Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice - she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.

The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, there you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear hem.

Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got home, I found a label which read -- 'Material might become transparent in water.'

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain

***I don't know who wrote this, but I feel her pain!!***


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

made it through the day

so yesterday was weird. i woke up and felt just fine. got in the shower and mid-rinse on the conditioner the entire world started spinning, started getting weak, decided to sit down before i fell down, cause that would not be pretty. made it to the toilet and all, well, ya know, broke loose. world spinning, seeing double, and ya know, i guess i was breathing loud enough to concern my husband.

he comes to see what is going on and well, ya know. so it slowed down long enough to dry off, get to bed and eventually to a comfy chair in the den. lots of liquids throughout the day and i survived. so strange. never had anything quite like it.

i'm betting it's what my dad feels like. parts of him recognize normal when he sees it. and parts of him have completely lost hold of it, but i don't think he misses it much anymore.

i knew my world was spinning and not right, i think he's made his peace with his world, or he's forgotten so much, he doesn't need to any more.

i'm grateful mine only lasted 24 hours and heck, i needed to clean the bathroom anyway.

so when life gives you lemon, ask for water and sugar or that will be one sour lemonade!!


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

assessing things

so i've been thinking about many things. dealing with my alzheimers dad and his issues, seeing my grandma and her condition and knowing that it doesn't have to be pre-destined for me. i don't have to accept this body i live in, i can change it. i can keep my mind active and useful.

i've also been thinking about moving dad to the nursing home. i've made my peace with it, i think he may actually enjoy having people around, being cared for and honestly, i don't know if he'll notice the lack of freedom. kind of like a child before they begin exploring their surroundings. they are comforted in their spaces, i think he will be too. and they won't let him wear the same shirt every day.

so changes in my life are coming. some are in my control, some are not. Lord help me with the ones in my control and please take care of the ones that aren't.


Thursday, March 05, 2009

wow, what a week

I'm thankful tomorrow is Friday. It's been a really full week. Monday was my 96 year old uncle's funeral and day trip to Dallas with alzheimers dad and his mom, 91 year old grandma and dad's brother Roy.

The math worked out well, 2 girls, 2 boys. I never had to take dad to the bathroom. The trip went as well as it could. Dad is just out of touch. It's like he's receding into another world. One only he exists in... One I can't go with him to see.

We are waiting for a bed to open up in a new facility. I hope it happens quickly enough that part of him will be able to enjoy it a little.

Until then, we manage the routine. We depend on the kindness of the people around him. We put his Dr. Pepper up for him so it won't end up in the freezer.

Until then, it's time for some art.