We all do. This one touched me today. I may tell one of my own soon.
jenx67 is one of my favorite blogs and today was no exception. Go read her story.
peace.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
My Thoughts on Father's Day
I love to celebrate. Anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, Tuesdays, anytime is a welcome day for a party. Just ask my family.
I love being treated special on Mother's Day. Being a mom is the single greatest thing I have ever done in my life. I have enjoyed every moment of it. I am grateful for a wonderful husband who supported our family so that I could be a stay at home mom when staying at home wasn't cool.
I love being able to celebrate my husband on Father's Day with our daughters. It's makes me happy to be able to totally pamper him (when he lets us!) and let him know how special, wonderful, awesome he is to us.
But it ends there for me honestly. I have a difficult time celebrating my dad. I look at the cards, I have every good intention, but there isn't one that says "Well, ok. So that's it. Happy Day." For you see, I've known as long as I can remember that I was supposed to be a boy. I started out life a disappointment to my dad.
Understand this, he didn't mention it daily, but he mentioned it enough. So did my grandmother and when my sister was born and there could be no more children, well...you can imagine. Or maybe you can't, I hope not. So he was the ultimate failure, not producing a son, and yet somehow is was our fault for being girls. Guess that biology class was one he missed.
I compensated for not being male by being a total over-achiever. Great grades, always first, always best or died trying. My sister was a tomboy, always cute, always smiling. We were not unhappy children, just not really noticed. Not neglected, just marginalized...especially at family reunions and such. For you see, my dad is the oldest son and Jr. no less. I should have been blah blah blah, III. The third in a long, male dominated line of rednecks. Quite prestigious. ????
I digress...there were many wonderful moments, I have MUCH to be thankful and grateful for and I try to focus on those things. I have "put my behind in the past" to quote Timone in Lion King. Which brings me back to Father's Day.
If you have read my post for any time at all or know me personally, you know I am the primary caretaker of my now alzheimers dad. I am also chief grocery shopper for my grandmother, his mom. Kind of puts a new light on it huh? He doesn't deserve my care. He wouldn't be part of my life if he weren't sick. He divorced me when he divorced my mom. So why do I care?
Some days, honestly, I don't. It makes me mad, I sometimes throw little fits in my head. But then I come back to the realization that when I didn't love God, He knew me and loved me. He gave up heaven, came to earth and died for me. For you. All He asks of me is to love Him back. To accept His most wonderful of gifts, salvation. Redemption wrapped in a crown of thorns. What a gift! He also asks that I honor my Father and Mother. In humble, loving obedience I do. In gratefulness for all He has done for me, I do. For the reminder of loving Fathers everywhere, like my husband, I do. Because my children are watching and learning even as adults, I do.
Because somewhere in my heart, I love my dad. I can't find a card that expresses it accurately and to be honest, he can't read anymore. So I'll just say Happy Father's Day and tell him I love him. Cause after it is all said and done, I do.
Life is too short to focus on those things that do not bring me closer to God. When my days on this earth are done, I want to leave waves of love lapping behind me on the shores of my life.
peace.
I love being treated special on Mother's Day. Being a mom is the single greatest thing I have ever done in my life. I have enjoyed every moment of it. I am grateful for a wonderful husband who supported our family so that I could be a stay at home mom when staying at home wasn't cool.
I love being able to celebrate my husband on Father's Day with our daughters. It's makes me happy to be able to totally pamper him (when he lets us!) and let him know how special, wonderful, awesome he is to us.
But it ends there for me honestly. I have a difficult time celebrating my dad. I look at the cards, I have every good intention, but there isn't one that says "Well, ok. So that's it. Happy Day." For you see, I've known as long as I can remember that I was supposed to be a boy. I started out life a disappointment to my dad.
Understand this, he didn't mention it daily, but he mentioned it enough. So did my grandmother and when my sister was born and there could be no more children, well...you can imagine. Or maybe you can't, I hope not. So he was the ultimate failure, not producing a son, and yet somehow is was our fault for being girls. Guess that biology class was one he missed.
I compensated for not being male by being a total over-achiever. Great grades, always first, always best or died trying. My sister was a tomboy, always cute, always smiling. We were not unhappy children, just not really noticed. Not neglected, just marginalized...especially at family reunions and such. For you see, my dad is the oldest son and Jr. no less. I should have been blah blah blah, III. The third in a long, male dominated line of rednecks. Quite prestigious. ????
I digress...there were many wonderful moments, I have MUCH to be thankful and grateful for and I try to focus on those things. I have "put my behind in the past" to quote Timone in Lion King. Which brings me back to Father's Day.
If you have read my post for any time at all or know me personally, you know I am the primary caretaker of my now alzheimers dad. I am also chief grocery shopper for my grandmother, his mom. Kind of puts a new light on it huh? He doesn't deserve my care. He wouldn't be part of my life if he weren't sick. He divorced me when he divorced my mom. So why do I care?
Some days, honestly, I don't. It makes me mad, I sometimes throw little fits in my head. But then I come back to the realization that when I didn't love God, He knew me and loved me. He gave up heaven, came to earth and died for me. For you. All He asks of me is to love Him back. To accept His most wonderful of gifts, salvation. Redemption wrapped in a crown of thorns. What a gift! He also asks that I honor my Father and Mother. In humble, loving obedience I do. In gratefulness for all He has done for me, I do. For the reminder of loving Fathers everywhere, like my husband, I do. Because my children are watching and learning even as adults, I do.
Because somewhere in my heart, I love my dad. I can't find a card that expresses it accurately and to be honest, he can't read anymore. So I'll just say Happy Father's Day and tell him I love him. Cause after it is all said and done, I do.
Life is too short to focus on those things that do not bring me closer to God. When my days on this earth are done, I want to leave waves of love lapping behind me on the shores of my life.
peace.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sisters
I am so blessed to have my immediate family nearby. My mom, sister, and daughters all live within 20 miles of me. I grew up living far away from family. The occasional holiday, summer vacation or reunion was all we knew of our grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
I love being close. I treasure the moments of ordinary life we get to spend together.
peace.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Forgiveness...
I don't usually struggle with forgiveness. I hate strife, so it's not usually hard to forgive on my behalf. But don't mess with my husband and kids! I can so quickly pick up an offense on their behalf, get angry, go all "momma bear" in the situation. I'm learning to trust my husband and daughters to resolve those things in their lives that might cause a reaction in me. I read this today and thought I would share with you.
peace.
WHAT IS BIBLICAL FORGIVENESS?
By: Rick Warren
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 (NLT)
*** *** *** ***
Forgiveness is unconditional. We don’t earn it; we don’t deserve it; we can’t bargain for it. Forgiveness is not based on a promise to never do it again. We offer forgiveness to somebody, whether that person asks for it or not.
When somebody says, “I will forgive you if…,” that’s not forgiveness; that’s bargaining. When Jesus stretched out his hands on the cross and said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34), he took the initiative, not waiting for us to first clean up our lives.
Forgiveness doesn’t minimize the offense. It actually cheapens forgiveness when somebody comes and asks for your forgiveness and you say, “It’s no big deal. It really didn’t hurt. It’s okay. It didn’t really bother me.” If it wasn’t a big deal, you wouldn’t need forgiveness, and you wouldn’t need to offer it. If it really requires forgiveness then you should not minimize it when somebody asks you for forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the relationship resumes without change. The Bible teaches three things that are essential to resume a relationship that has been broken: repentance, restitution, and rebuilding trust.
You have to be genuinely repentant and truly saddened about what you did. That’s not just saying a quick, “I’m sorry.” It means heart-fully and meaningfully saying, “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”
Sometimes forgiveness should be accompanied with some sort of physical or material restitution. If I came over to your house and burned it down, it wouldn’t be enough for me to go, “Oops! I’m sorry.” I’d need to assume that debt because I destroyed your house.
When it comes to rebuilding trust, it may take a long, long time. Forgiveness is instant, but trust is something that’s only rebuilt over a period of time. It must be re-earned.
Forgiveness isn’t forgetting what’s happened. You’ve heard this phrase over and over: forgive and forget, forgive and forget. There’s only one problem with it – it’s really difficult to forget a hurt that’s been in your life. It’s like when you go on a diet; you think about food all the time. You think about it more than when you’re not on a diet. The only way you can forget something is to actually refocus on something else.
Focus on how God takes the bad and works it out “for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose …” (Romans 8:28, NLT).
© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.
Rick Warren is author of the New York Times bestseller The Purpose Driven Life and The Purpose Driven Church, which was named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20th Century.
peace.
WHAT IS BIBLICAL FORGIVENESS?
By: Rick Warren
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 (NLT)
*** *** *** ***
Forgiveness is unconditional. We don’t earn it; we don’t deserve it; we can’t bargain for it. Forgiveness is not based on a promise to never do it again. We offer forgiveness to somebody, whether that person asks for it or not.
When somebody says, “I will forgive you if…,” that’s not forgiveness; that’s bargaining. When Jesus stretched out his hands on the cross and said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34), he took the initiative, not waiting for us to first clean up our lives.
Forgiveness doesn’t minimize the offense. It actually cheapens forgiveness when somebody comes and asks for your forgiveness and you say, “It’s no big deal. It really didn’t hurt. It’s okay. It didn’t really bother me.” If it wasn’t a big deal, you wouldn’t need forgiveness, and you wouldn’t need to offer it. If it really requires forgiveness then you should not minimize it when somebody asks you for forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean the relationship resumes without change. The Bible teaches three things that are essential to resume a relationship that has been broken: repentance, restitution, and rebuilding trust.
You have to be genuinely repentant and truly saddened about what you did. That’s not just saying a quick, “I’m sorry.” It means heart-fully and meaningfully saying, “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”
Sometimes forgiveness should be accompanied with some sort of physical or material restitution. If I came over to your house and burned it down, it wouldn’t be enough for me to go, “Oops! I’m sorry.” I’d need to assume that debt because I destroyed your house.
When it comes to rebuilding trust, it may take a long, long time. Forgiveness is instant, but trust is something that’s only rebuilt over a period of time. It must be re-earned.
Forgiveness isn’t forgetting what’s happened. You’ve heard this phrase over and over: forgive and forget, forgive and forget. There’s only one problem with it – it’s really difficult to forget a hurt that’s been in your life. It’s like when you go on a diet; you think about food all the time. You think about it more than when you’re not on a diet. The only way you can forget something is to actually refocus on something else.
Focus on how God takes the bad and works it out “for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose …” (Romans 8:28, NLT).
© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.
Rick Warren is author of the New York Times bestseller The Purpose Driven Life and The Purpose Driven Church, which was named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20th Century.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Losing Yourself
I've had several observations recently and they all go back to this topic--Losing Yourself.
My alzheimers dad is losing himself. Sometimes in big chunks, sometimes in tiny pieces, but gone all the same. Parts of his mind remember the times when he "could". Remember the times when he "used to". It's sad to see those remembrances slip through his fingers like water. Just at the point he starts to grab hold...it's gone. You can see it happen. Idea...realization...understanding...forgotten. It's lost, another piece of himself. It might drift back through, but that is becoming less likely as the days pass. One day, he won't remember he's forgotten. He'll be gone.
I have a dear friend in a very tough work situation. She is trying oh so hard to be positive, effective, motivated, loyal and yet as the time moves on without support, without encouragement, without feedback, she struggles to keep hold of herself. To not lose herself in the complacency and negativity that surround her. The absolute falseness of the people she interacts with daily. In maintaining the public facade, she is losing herself. No longer positive, motivated, effective, she struggles with loyalty to an organization that is not loyal to its employees. Image is everything and yet is a great deception. I hope she is free to move on soon, she will remember, rebuild and renew.
And lastly, I think I have lost pieces of myself. The pieces that held grudges, judged harshly, worried about socks matching. I've come to a place and time in life that I really do believe and rest in the fact that God is in control. There is not a moment of time where God looks up, smacks his forehead and says "oops! missed that!" He is always, everywhere, all-knowing, all-loving and I count on that. I hope to lose more pieces of myself that do not look like Him.
peace.
My alzheimers dad is losing himself. Sometimes in big chunks, sometimes in tiny pieces, but gone all the same. Parts of his mind remember the times when he "could". Remember the times when he "used to". It's sad to see those remembrances slip through his fingers like water. Just at the point he starts to grab hold...it's gone. You can see it happen. Idea...realization...understanding...forgotten. It's lost, another piece of himself. It might drift back through, but that is becoming less likely as the days pass. One day, he won't remember he's forgotten. He'll be gone.
I have a dear friend in a very tough work situation. She is trying oh so hard to be positive, effective, motivated, loyal and yet as the time moves on without support, without encouragement, without feedback, she struggles to keep hold of herself. To not lose herself in the complacency and negativity that surround her. The absolute falseness of the people she interacts with daily. In maintaining the public facade, she is losing herself. No longer positive, motivated, effective, she struggles with loyalty to an organization that is not loyal to its employees. Image is everything and yet is a great deception. I hope she is free to move on soon, she will remember, rebuild and renew.
And lastly, I think I have lost pieces of myself. The pieces that held grudges, judged harshly, worried about socks matching. I've come to a place and time in life that I really do believe and rest in the fact that God is in control. There is not a moment of time where God looks up, smacks his forehead and says "oops! missed that!" He is always, everywhere, all-knowing, all-loving and I count on that. I hope to lose more pieces of myself that do not look like Him.
peace.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Happy Birthday!!
At approximately 12:30am on June 12, my nurse called my doctor, threatened him with something, and about 1:00am he walked in my room.
Without checking me, talking to me, or much of anything he found out from the nurse how long I had been in labor, how long my water had been broken, what the xray showed, how long I'd been pushing...then he looked at me and said, "we can keep trying or you can have a c-section, we're in kind of an emergency situation at this point due to infection, but it's your choice." And waited for my answer. After 31 hours of labor, very little sleep, 2 hours of pushing, etc...I looked at Jim, he nodded, I shook my head yes and...
All HELL broke loose! Jim was whisked out of the room, I was prepped for a saddle block, they started the c-section, Jim was escorted back in, and our little girl was born. 9lbs 9oz, 21.5 inches of the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen.
Was it all worth it! 25 years later I'd do it all again to know Andrea Nicole. She is one of the most amazing young women I know and I couldn't be more proud to call her my daughter.
Happy 25th birthday Andrea!!
Without checking me, talking to me, or much of anything he found out from the nurse how long I had been in labor, how long my water had been broken, what the xray showed, how long I'd been pushing...then he looked at me and said, "we can keep trying or you can have a c-section, we're in kind of an emergency situation at this point due to infection, but it's your choice." And waited for my answer. After 31 hours of labor, very little sleep, 2 hours of pushing, etc...I looked at Jim, he nodded, I shook my head yes and...
All HELL broke loose! Jim was whisked out of the room, I was prepped for a saddle block, they started the c-section, Jim was escorted back in, and our little girl was born. 9lbs 9oz, 21.5 inches of the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen.
Was it all worth it! 25 years later I'd do it all again to know Andrea Nicole. She is one of the most amazing young women I know and I couldn't be more proud to call her my daughter.
Happy 25th birthday Andrea!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
25 years ago and here we go...?
It's now Monday, June 11th and although I've been in labor all night, consistently, nothing seems to be really happening. None of the "you're gonna have a baby soon" things. I won't go into detail. You're welcome.
My doctor has still not come to the hospital (side note: ALWAYS interview your doctors and if you don't like them, find one you do!), started the Oxytocin drip and that was very effective in switching all my labor to my back. I don't know how that works, only that it is painful, gross, no fun at all!!!
Seem to be progressing slightly, nurse decides to break my water, and gets a bath. Once again, no details, but trust me to tell you she was as surprised as I was, who knew?
And we wait.....by late in the evening on the 11th, around 9ish, I'm taken down for Xrays. It is discovered that baby is face up and that is what is stalling my progression. So we move to the delivery room and I'm told to grab my ankles (don't even get me started on how stupid that was!) and push. With every contraction, every 1.5 minute contraction, are you kiddin me!! She wasn't. So I do.
For 2 hours, no doctor, no help, no drugs...Nurse walking by every once in a while to check, commenting on stuff, blah blah blah...
And we continue....
peace.
My doctor has still not come to the hospital (side note: ALWAYS interview your doctors and if you don't like them, find one you do!), started the Oxytocin drip and that was very effective in switching all my labor to my back. I don't know how that works, only that it is painful, gross, no fun at all!!!
Seem to be progressing slightly, nurse decides to break my water, and gets a bath. Once again, no details, but trust me to tell you she was as surprised as I was, who knew?
And we wait.....by late in the evening on the 11th, around 9ish, I'm taken down for Xrays. It is discovered that baby is face up and that is what is stalling my progression. So we move to the delivery room and I'm told to grab my ankles (don't even get me started on how stupid that was!) and push. With every contraction, every 1.5 minute contraction, are you kiddin me!! She wasn't. So I do.
For 2 hours, no doctor, no help, no drugs...Nurse walking by every once in a while to check, commenting on stuff, blah blah blah...
And we continue....
peace.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
25 years ago continued...
So Sunday June 10th dawns...
In-laws go to church with us, we go out for lunch, and they leave.
Church starts again at 6:00pm, and we good Nazarenes (at the time) heed the call. I don't remember much about the service other than about 15 minutes in, I start feeling some cramping. Not too bad at first, and then gone. And then back, then gone, then back...you get the picture. After a while, so did I. I was in labor. So during the sermon, I take Jim's watch and start timing the comings and goings. 8 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes, 6 minutes, 6 minutes, 6 minutes, 5 minutes, 5, 5...church is over. "Where we going for dinner?" several of our friends start asking. I suggested the hospital. And all hell broke loose!! sorry, all he!! broke loose, I was in church for goodness sake. :-)
Anyway, me and my now quite sizeable posse head for Deaconess hospital. We get there, I walk into labor and delivery to the sound of a woman screaming at her husband, "you *&&%^$(*&_&&^*^%^)&**$%^@@!@#!, you did this to me, you *^&^%^&%$%^(*(&)^%&*%^! I hate you, you are NEVER touching me AGAIN, just get IT OUT!!!" -- I turned white, looked at Jim, and asked if we could leave, it would be ok, I wouldn't cuss at him, I could wait....contraction, contraction, contraction. Maybe not.
We settled in finally, we called the family and the wait began...but I was contracting at 5 minutes apart regularly, I was a week overdue, I was young & healthy,so this shouldn't take too long, right?
To be continued....
peace.
In-laws go to church with us, we go out for lunch, and they leave.
Church starts again at 6:00pm, and we good Nazarenes (at the time) heed the call. I don't remember much about the service other than about 15 minutes in, I start feeling some cramping. Not too bad at first, and then gone. And then back, then gone, then back...you get the picture. After a while, so did I. I was in labor. So during the sermon, I take Jim's watch and start timing the comings and goings. 8 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes, 6 minutes, 6 minutes, 6 minutes, 5 minutes, 5, 5...church is over. "Where we going for dinner?" several of our friends start asking. I suggested the hospital. And all hell broke loose!! sorry, all he!! broke loose, I was in church for goodness sake. :-)
Anyway, me and my now quite sizeable posse head for Deaconess hospital. We get there, I walk into labor and delivery to the sound of a woman screaming at her husband, "you *&&%^$(*&_&&^*^%^)&**$%^@@!@#!, you did this to me, you *^&^%^&%$%^(*(&)^%&*%^! I hate you, you are NEVER touching me AGAIN, just get IT OUT!!!" -- I turned white, looked at Jim, and asked if we could leave, it would be ok, I wouldn't cuss at him, I could wait....contraction, contraction, contraction. Maybe not.
We settled in finally, we called the family and the wait began...but I was contracting at 5 minutes apart regularly, I was a week overdue, I was young & healthy,so this shouldn't take too long, right?
To be continued....
peace.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
25 years ago
I was awaiting the birth of my first child. We didn't know if it was a girl or boy. We did know we weren't ready, scared to death, really excited, and feeling very blessed.
The baby was 6 days past my due date. It was Saturday. My in-laws surprised us with a visit, the first since our marriage. My father-in-law wanted to show us where he was working while he was in town (he traveled a lot) and took us to the tire plant. 3 square miles of concrete. We walked. Oh boy. Back-ache and swollen feet don't even begin to touch what I was feeling. 2 hours later (!), we went home, ate some dinner and I did my best sleeping impersonation.
The next day I really didn't want to go to church and hear "You haven't had that baby yet? You're huge!!" one more time. But habit and duty prevailed and I waddled on. We enjoyed lunch with the in-laws and my sweet mom-in-law hugged me, said "I just know you'll go into labor the minute I leave", and left. I had no idea what the rest of Sunday would bring...
To be continued...
peace.
The baby was 6 days past my due date. It was Saturday. My in-laws surprised us with a visit, the first since our marriage. My father-in-law wanted to show us where he was working while he was in town (he traveled a lot) and took us to the tire plant. 3 square miles of concrete. We walked. Oh boy. Back-ache and swollen feet don't even begin to touch what I was feeling. 2 hours later (!), we went home, ate some dinner and I did my best sleeping impersonation.
The next day I really didn't want to go to church and hear "You haven't had that baby yet? You're huge!!" one more time. But habit and duty prevailed and I waddled on. We enjoyed lunch with the in-laws and my sweet mom-in-law hugged me, said "I just know you'll go into labor the minute I leave", and left. I had no idea what the rest of Sunday would bring...
To be continued...
peace.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Are You a Person of Pity or Pardon?
This came to me through an e-bulletin my husband receives. It spoke volumes to me.
Written By: Pam Kanaly
Last weekend I had the opportunity to revisit the reason why God took me through the “School of Forgiveness” from 1986-1993. I spoke at a conference and addressed how mistreatment carries with it the potential fertilization of deadly triplets: resentment, unforgiveness, and bitterness. I was reminded afresh how difficult it is to let someone or something “off the hook” when we have been unjustly wronged! Proverbs 18:19 reveals the power of an insult, “An offended brother is harder to win than a strong city.” I can only say Amen to that! When I’ve been affronted, my initial response might resound: “Stay out of my way, mister!” As a fellow human being, many of you understand the veracity in which I speak!
Though God understands why we are offended, He still commands us to move toward a direction where He can enable us through a process to Let Go and Let Him complete a greater work in spite of the injustice. What possible reason would God have in making us “People of Pardon” concerning the new way we must “do life?” And what happens when we fail to courteously indulge His instructions by choosing pity over pardon?
When pardon lacks, spiritual malnourishment flourishes. We become spiritually anemic and frustrate God’s divine influence in us. The longer we nurse the chip on our shoulder, the more accessible we become to Satan’s lies. Our enemy attacks through unresolved woundedness. Hebrews 12:15 cautions – “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up.”
When pardon lacks, self pity abounds. Subtle independence from God germinates with the mindset, “I didn’t deserve this!” We falsely believe that God promised a life without unwarranted loss. Look at the degree of unfairness Jesus addressed. We are made in Christ’s image. If Jesus had a nature that suffered, then so would we. Philippians 1:29 retorts - There is far more to this life than trusting Him. There’s also suffering for Him.
When pardon lacks, relationships languish. In the process, people around us absorb the overspill of our infection. We think we can hide the offense, grin and bear it, but our choice to remain attached to the wrongdoing infests those we love. Hebrews 12:15 reproves - Bitterness defiles others. The Greek word for defile means to pollute, to trample upon.
So how can we move toward becoming a person of pardon? I’ve discovered the secret: Focus on what’s left and not what’s lost.
Pam Kanaly is President and co-founder of Arise Ministries, a ministry focused on single moms, a public speaker, and author of "Will the Real Me Please Stand Up." Book available at your local bookstores; 10 week Bible Study and DVD's available through www.ariseministries.net- September 2009.
Forgiveness is a CHOICE; you do not need to wait
until you feel like forgiving or until they ask.
You have the infection or poison in you, and you are waiting for them to get sick.
Choose pardon now!
Written By: Pam Kanaly
Last weekend I had the opportunity to revisit the reason why God took me through the “School of Forgiveness” from 1986-1993. I spoke at a conference and addressed how mistreatment carries with it the potential fertilization of deadly triplets: resentment, unforgiveness, and bitterness. I was reminded afresh how difficult it is to let someone or something “off the hook” when we have been unjustly wronged! Proverbs 18:19 reveals the power of an insult, “An offended brother is harder to win than a strong city.” I can only say Amen to that! When I’ve been affronted, my initial response might resound: “Stay out of my way, mister!” As a fellow human being, many of you understand the veracity in which I speak!
Though God understands why we are offended, He still commands us to move toward a direction where He can enable us through a process to Let Go and Let Him complete a greater work in spite of the injustice. What possible reason would God have in making us “People of Pardon” concerning the new way we must “do life?” And what happens when we fail to courteously indulge His instructions by choosing pity over pardon?
When pardon lacks, spiritual malnourishment flourishes. We become spiritually anemic and frustrate God’s divine influence in us. The longer we nurse the chip on our shoulder, the more accessible we become to Satan’s lies. Our enemy attacks through unresolved woundedness. Hebrews 12:15 cautions – “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up.”
When pardon lacks, self pity abounds. Subtle independence from God germinates with the mindset, “I didn’t deserve this!” We falsely believe that God promised a life without unwarranted loss. Look at the degree of unfairness Jesus addressed. We are made in Christ’s image. If Jesus had a nature that suffered, then so would we. Philippians 1:29 retorts - There is far more to this life than trusting Him. There’s also suffering for Him.
When pardon lacks, relationships languish. In the process, people around us absorb the overspill of our infection. We think we can hide the offense, grin and bear it, but our choice to remain attached to the wrongdoing infests those we love. Hebrews 12:15 reproves - Bitterness defiles others. The Greek word for defile means to pollute, to trample upon.
So how can we move toward becoming a person of pardon? I’ve discovered the secret: Focus on what’s left and not what’s lost.
Pam Kanaly is President and co-founder of Arise Ministries, a ministry focused on single moms, a public speaker, and author of "Will the Real Me Please Stand Up." Book available at your local bookstores; 10 week Bible Study and DVD's available through www.ariseministries.net- September 2009.
Forgiveness is a CHOICE; you do not need to wait
until you feel like forgiving or until they ask.
You have the infection or poison in you, and you are waiting for them to get sick.
Choose pardon now!
Friday, May 29, 2009
too much stuff or...
have you swept your mud floor recently?
I couldn't decide which title to use for this post. Both are appropriate and revealing. For you see, we need to clean out our garage because it's full of stuff. Our stuff, other people's stuff, just stuff. And then, honestly, we could start on the house. Nooks and crannies stuffed. We don't live extravagantly, but we've lived long enough to inherit other people's stuff and collect some of our own. Keeping little bits along the way, for long periods of time equals lots of stuff.
Anyway, back to the mud floor. I am so blessed. Even in what I might consider lack or less than, I have so much, have been given so much, take so much for granted. I haven't swept my mud floor lately. I have tile and carpet in my comfortable home with electricity, running water, appliances, doors, windows, fences, and many other conveniences. I have not 1, but 3 bathrooms. Washer and dryer, dishwasher, stove-top, oven and a grill. 8 sinks with running water and 4 outside faucets. Air conditioning and heat. wow.
So I will go through, give away, throw away, sort and pass on to those in need all my excess stuff. Gratefully and gladly recognizing that so many have so little and they are all around me.
peace.
I couldn't decide which title to use for this post. Both are appropriate and revealing. For you see, we need to clean out our garage because it's full of stuff. Our stuff, other people's stuff, just stuff. And then, honestly, we could start on the house. Nooks and crannies stuffed. We don't live extravagantly, but we've lived long enough to inherit other people's stuff and collect some of our own. Keeping little bits along the way, for long periods of time equals lots of stuff.
Anyway, back to the mud floor. I am so blessed. Even in what I might consider lack or less than, I have so much, have been given so much, take so much for granted. I haven't swept my mud floor lately. I have tile and carpet in my comfortable home with electricity, running water, appliances, doors, windows, fences, and many other conveniences. I have not 1, but 3 bathrooms. Washer and dryer, dishwasher, stove-top, oven and a grill. 8 sinks with running water and 4 outside faucets. Air conditioning and heat. wow.
So I will go through, give away, throw away, sort and pass on to those in need all my excess stuff. Gratefully and gladly recognizing that so many have so little and they are all around me.
peace.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Jon and Kate plus 8 minus 2 = X
I'm not into reality shows. I've watched several, followed 1 or 2, sampled others. But overall, don't really like them. I'm too suspicious to believe the "reality" part.
I have seen Jon and Kate plus 8 on occassion, especially when the little ones were babies. They were so cute and watching the family expand and cope kept my attention on occassion.
I happened upon the season opener this year and I cried. Literally, it broke my heart that these parents have lost sight of themselves. They've forgotten it isn't all about the kids. Families are built on the foundation of a marriage. Foundations need care and upkeep. Regardless of the number and configuration of children.
I hope they will humble themselves, return to their foundation, seek help and do what it takes to stay married and a family. Selfishness has no place there, grudges have no place there, scorecards have no place there.
Jon and Kate, I would say to you that you were once 1 + 1 = 2. Start there. Or better yet, remember that a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken. God has a plan. Be still and know He is God.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
God's blessings to you both as you navigate this river of forgiveness and change, keep passing through.
peace.
I have seen Jon and Kate plus 8 on occassion, especially when the little ones were babies. They were so cute and watching the family expand and cope kept my attention on occassion.
I happened upon the season opener this year and I cried. Literally, it broke my heart that these parents have lost sight of themselves. They've forgotten it isn't all about the kids. Families are built on the foundation of a marriage. Foundations need care and upkeep. Regardless of the number and configuration of children.
I hope they will humble themselves, return to their foundation, seek help and do what it takes to stay married and a family. Selfishness has no place there, grudges have no place there, scorecards have no place there.
Jon and Kate, I would say to you that you were once 1 + 1 = 2. Start there. Or better yet, remember that a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken. God has a plan. Be still and know He is God.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2
God's blessings to you both as you navigate this river of forgiveness and change, keep passing through.
peace.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
dreams
I've never been much of a dreamer. Once I'm asleep, my mind rests most of the time. So when I have a dream, it has impact.
Not too long ago, I had a dream where I was sitting in the hall of a hospital and a very pregnant lady walked past me and asked me to come with her.
The next moment, we're in a delivery room, me on one side of the bed, doc on the other, pregnant lady on the bed between us. The doc is doing an ultrasound and the pregnant lady looks at me, I recognize her, and she says "The doctor tells me my baby is dead, my son is dead." I say to her "well, we better pray".
I woke up praying for this lady I know in real life that I recognized in my dream. Praying for the health of her baby, her impending delivery, God's protection over the coming birth. This was Sunday, January 18.
January 19, she went into labor and delivered a perfectly healthy baby boy. Here he is.
I don't know why I had the dream, why God wanted me to pray, but I'm glad He did. Are there times when God is presenting opportunities to you, you don't understand and sometimes you say yes and sometimes no? Me too.
But I'm hoping He uses me more. I love to pray, to talk to the Creator of everything I know. To rest in His unchanging faithfulness and love. How can I pray for you?
peace.
thanks, Jen, for the inspiration.
Not too long ago, I had a dream where I was sitting in the hall of a hospital and a very pregnant lady walked past me and asked me to come with her.
The next moment, we're in a delivery room, me on one side of the bed, doc on the other, pregnant lady on the bed between us. The doc is doing an ultrasound and the pregnant lady looks at me, I recognize her, and she says "The doctor tells me my baby is dead, my son is dead." I say to her "well, we better pray".
I woke up praying for this lady I know in real life that I recognized in my dream. Praying for the health of her baby, her impending delivery, God's protection over the coming birth. This was Sunday, January 18.
January 19, she went into labor and delivered a perfectly healthy baby boy. Here he is.
I don't know why I had the dream, why God wanted me to pray, but I'm glad He did. Are there times when God is presenting opportunities to you, you don't understand and sometimes you say yes and sometimes no? Me too.
But I'm hoping He uses me more. I love to pray, to talk to the Creator of everything I know. To rest in His unchanging faithfulness and love. How can I pray for you?
peace.
thanks, Jen, for the inspiration.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
pondering...
Do I ever really want an empty nest?
I have found the greatest joys in life come from the relationships I have invested in with those I love, know, meet or have acquaintance.
I love being a wife and mom. Being an aunt is great. I look forward to being a mom-in-law and nana.
Our younger daughter moved out this weekend. The house is quiet. It's not that I mind the quiet and having time to myself and with my hubbie. I love to read and spending time in my artspace. I love a clean house. I love low maintenance.
But I miss the activity of life and people. Maybe that's why we have invited a young friend to live with us for several months as he completes school. He is on his own in many ways, finishing college to become a special ed teacher. Next semester is student teaching, finishing classes and work isn't fitting in very well. His desire is no debt, ours is too. I'm looking forward to helping him out. I'm looking forward to the activity returning.
Not that life isn't busy enough, it is. I'm really blessed we can make this offer. Maybe more than he is. Time will tell.
peace.
I have found the greatest joys in life come from the relationships I have invested in with those I love, know, meet or have acquaintance.
I love being a wife and mom. Being an aunt is great. I look forward to being a mom-in-law and nana.
Our younger daughter moved out this weekend. The house is quiet. It's not that I mind the quiet and having time to myself and with my hubbie. I love to read and spending time in my artspace. I love a clean house. I love low maintenance.
But I miss the activity of life and people. Maybe that's why we have invited a young friend to live with us for several months as he completes school. He is on his own in many ways, finishing college to become a special ed teacher. Next semester is student teaching, finishing classes and work isn't fitting in very well. His desire is no debt, ours is too. I'm looking forward to helping him out. I'm looking forward to the activity returning.
Not that life isn't busy enough, it is. I'm really blessed we can make this offer. Maybe more than he is. Time will tell.
peace.
Monday, May 18, 2009
what a month!
I can't believe it's been over a month, "time flies" doesn't even begin to touch it.
Anyway, I've more fully explored the community of Twitter this month. Attended a tweet-up for moms and met some excellent, in-touch women with lives like mine. Most of their lives include small children still and all I can say is wow! I can't imagine living at this pace and still being a mom to small kiddos. I was blessed to be with my kids without working when they were small. Not sure I would have been very good at being the everything mom. Kudos ladies!!
It is always interesting to me to observe the power of social media. "Knowing" people I've never actually met in real life. Having commonalities and conversations with a wide range of people while sitting in my office or holding my phone. Quite odd really.
I've also seen this phenom through the eyes of a couple of men from Kenya this week. Explaining things like social media, Walmart, storage facilities, etc. to these men have been quite a challenge.
How do you explain the concept of friendship with people you have never met except on twitter? How do you explain that we live so far apart we only stay in touch with family over the internet? How do you explain to someone who lives in a mud hut with a thatch roof that in America we have so much stuff we have to rent storage facilities outside our homes to hold our excess stuff? How do you explain that it isn't just about the green beans you need for dinner, it's about the brand of green beans you prefer? Del Monte or Green Giant or the store brand or generic?
I feel both very blessed and very humbled. It has once again put my life back into a world perspective.
Count your blessings
name them one by one
Count your blessings
see what God has done.
And then complain or feel sorry for yourself, I double dog dare you.
peace.
Anyway, I've more fully explored the community of Twitter this month. Attended a tweet-up for moms and met some excellent, in-touch women with lives like mine. Most of their lives include small children still and all I can say is wow! I can't imagine living at this pace and still being a mom to small kiddos. I was blessed to be with my kids without working when they were small. Not sure I would have been very good at being the everything mom. Kudos ladies!!
It is always interesting to me to observe the power of social media. "Knowing" people I've never actually met in real life. Having commonalities and conversations with a wide range of people while sitting in my office or holding my phone. Quite odd really.
I've also seen this phenom through the eyes of a couple of men from Kenya this week. Explaining things like social media, Walmart, storage facilities, etc. to these men have been quite a challenge.
How do you explain the concept of friendship with people you have never met except on twitter? How do you explain that we live so far apart we only stay in touch with family over the internet? How do you explain to someone who lives in a mud hut with a thatch roof that in America we have so much stuff we have to rent storage facilities outside our homes to hold our excess stuff? How do you explain that it isn't just about the green beans you need for dinner, it's about the brand of green beans you prefer? Del Monte or Green Giant or the store brand or generic?
I feel both very blessed and very humbled. It has once again put my life back into a world perspective.
Count your blessings
name them one by one
Count your blessings
see what God has done.
And then complain or feel sorry for yourself, I double dog dare you.
peace.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Texas sized giggle from Fran
Three men married wives from different states.
The first man married a woman from Washington . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Wyoming . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Texas . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything. But by the third day, some of the puffiness had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
Guess where Fran is from? ;-)
peace.
The first man married a woman from Washington . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Wyoming . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Texas . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything. But by the third day, some of the puffiness had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
Guess where Fran is from? ;-)
peace.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Dayenu
I read this post today from www.naomimunn.blogspot.com and I wanted to share with you.
Hope it touches you as much as it did me.
Listen, I have to tell you something that you might not know if you're not Jewish:
Jews wrestle. We wrestle with God, we wrestle with ideas. We wrestle with angels and most of all, we wrestle with ourselves. We're supposed to -- the very name Israel means literally -- he who wrestles with God.
It's a wonder we don't have our own federation cage matches.
I'm wrestling (!) with a song tonight. It's a 1000-year old song from our Passover Seder entitled, "Dayenu" (It would have been enough.) In the song, we sing that if only God had just delivered us from slavery in Egypt -- it would have been enough. If God had then delivered us and gave us the the sabbath, it would have been enough. If God had delivered us, gave us the sabbath and then gave us the Torah, it would have been enough.
I've been thinking how humble, how hard it must REALLY be to live that concept. Imagine if you knew what you were missing, but understood that you just can't have it all. If only you'd been just dropped off at the curb instead of led to the promised land, it would have been enough. If only you'd been dropped off and then given some time off to recuperate, it would have been enough. And maybe, maybe if you'd then received some guidance about what to do next well, that's CERTAINLY enough.
Right?
Honestly, I can't say that. I can't say that if something or other had happened in my life, and not another, it would have been enough. Because it's taken everything to get me here -- I don't think I could have done without a thing; even the horrible things carve out the wellspring of joy I contain.
BUT, on the other hand (and I'm thinking as I type, dangerous, that) maybe the song is about being grateful for what we have NOW, instead of wishing for more. Maybe the song was written (and it was) in the spirit of thankfulness. Maybe it's written with the thought of not knowing what's ahead that we can have or cannot have -- maybe we're just supposed to contemplate on what's passed instead of what's ahead. Coveting, after all, doesn't just belong to material things.
If God has helped me to forge this writing career and I don't ever go any farther than this blog --Dayenu.
If God had only given me this beautiful family -- Dayenu.
If God had only given me the number of days I've used and no more -- Dayenu.
--Naomi
peace.
Hope it touches you as much as it did me.
Listen, I have to tell you something that you might not know if you're not Jewish:
Jews wrestle. We wrestle with God, we wrestle with ideas. We wrestle with angels and most of all, we wrestle with ourselves. We're supposed to -- the very name Israel means literally -- he who wrestles with God.
It's a wonder we don't have our own federation cage matches.
I'm wrestling (!) with a song tonight. It's a 1000-year old song from our Passover Seder entitled, "Dayenu" (It would have been enough.) In the song, we sing that if only God had just delivered us from slavery in Egypt -- it would have been enough. If God had then delivered us and gave us the the sabbath, it would have been enough. If God had delivered us, gave us the sabbath and then gave us the Torah, it would have been enough.
I've been thinking how humble, how hard it must REALLY be to live that concept. Imagine if you knew what you were missing, but understood that you just can't have it all. If only you'd been just dropped off at the curb instead of led to the promised land, it would have been enough. If only you'd been dropped off and then given some time off to recuperate, it would have been enough. And maybe, maybe if you'd then received some guidance about what to do next well, that's CERTAINLY enough.
Right?
Honestly, I can't say that. I can't say that if something or other had happened in my life, and not another, it would have been enough. Because it's taken everything to get me here -- I don't think I could have done without a thing; even the horrible things carve out the wellspring of joy I contain.
BUT, on the other hand (and I'm thinking as I type, dangerous, that) maybe the song is about being grateful for what we have NOW, instead of wishing for more. Maybe the song was written (and it was) in the spirit of thankfulness. Maybe it's written with the thought of not knowing what's ahead that we can have or cannot have -- maybe we're just supposed to contemplate on what's passed instead of what's ahead. Coveting, after all, doesn't just belong to material things.
If God has helped me to forge this writing career and I don't ever go any farther than this blog --Dayenu.
If God had only given me this beautiful family -- Dayenu.
If God had only given me the number of days I've used and no more -- Dayenu.
--Naomi
peace.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
pictures as promised
hang on to your hats!!
the firepit and main entertainment area.
the front of the compound.
this is the bathroom and kitchen building. the washer/dryer building is over to the right.
here is the 1980 Winebago and tents compound.
so like i've said, i would have done this differently. i hope they make progress soon, july is coming.
peace.
the firepit and main entertainment area.
the front of the compound.
this is the bathroom and kitchen building. the washer/dryer building is over to the right.
here is the 1980 Winebago and tents compound.
so like i've said, i would have done this differently. i hope they make progress soon, july is coming.
peace.
weekend at Lake Wister
i will start off by saying that Lake Wister is very nice, the cabins are clean and sufficient and there are mountains to be seen in almost every direction. not bad for Oklahoma.
now on to the other stuff. went to see my dear friend and got exactly what i expected. 2 parents, 4 kids on top of a hill living in a 1980 Winebago, 2 tents and 2 out buildings-1 with a washer/dryer and tools in it and 1 housing the bathroom with an outdoor sink attached for washing dishes. they've been up there since february, running water, septic and electricity have just been run in the last couple of weeks. outhouse is still standing, but avoided by all!
they are readying their property for the dream house. the view is amazing, the location is great and they have a nice firepit and grill. personally, i would have rented a little place in town, built my dream house and then moved. but then i'm kind of high maintenance. i like running water, in-house facilities and walls around me. picky, picky, i know.
i hope they actually see it through to completion. i must admit, i have my doubts. they are always great dreamers, to-date, not great follow throughers. maybe this is their time. i hope so. time will tell.
and i do have pictures that i will post shortly. i know you can't wait.
peace.
now on to the other stuff. went to see my dear friend and got exactly what i expected. 2 parents, 4 kids on top of a hill living in a 1980 Winebago, 2 tents and 2 out buildings-1 with a washer/dryer and tools in it and 1 housing the bathroom with an outdoor sink attached for washing dishes. they've been up there since february, running water, septic and electricity have just been run in the last couple of weeks. outhouse is still standing, but avoided by all!
they are readying their property for the dream house. the view is amazing, the location is great and they have a nice firepit and grill. personally, i would have rented a little place in town, built my dream house and then moved. but then i'm kind of high maintenance. i like running water, in-house facilities and walls around me. picky, picky, i know.
i hope they actually see it through to completion. i must admit, i have my doubts. they are always great dreamers, to-date, not great follow throughers. maybe this is their time. i hope so. time will tell.
and i do have pictures that i will post shortly. i know you can't wait.
peace.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
challenge from a friend & weekend to remember
so today is my friday. i've taken off a couple of days for a 4 day weekend, total decadence.
but before i go, i received a challenge from my dear friend ellen. she basically told me i need to be writing every day. i do, but not here. for work usually, not just for me. so i'm going to try. maybe too much of a good thing, you let me know.
:-)
anyway, on to the weekend to remember. i have a dear childhood friend. she has always marched to her own drummer and i love that about her, but i think someone has seriously shaken her castanets this time.
long story made short, dearie and hubbie and four of their seven children have packed everything they own, bought 20 acres and a 1980 Winnebago and moved to Oklahoma. sounds a little liked they "loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly, Hills that is, swimming pools, movie stars..." you get the idea, and you aren't so far from wrong.
anyway, no running water, electricity, etc...they are basically squatters on their own land with the idea of building their own home on this piece of heaven or Heavener to be exact. that's the name of the town.
and i'm going to visit. good news, there is a state park within minutes of their land and they have cabins. looking forward to the time away and i'm sure in my quest to write more, this weekend will give me lots of fodder!
who knows, maybe while i'm there i'll do a little huntin' and see if "up through the ground came a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea." couldn't hurt.
i'll say hello to jed and grannie too.
peace.
but before i go, i received a challenge from my dear friend ellen. she basically told me i need to be writing every day. i do, but not here. for work usually, not just for me. so i'm going to try. maybe too much of a good thing, you let me know.
:-)
anyway, on to the weekend to remember. i have a dear childhood friend. she has always marched to her own drummer and i love that about her, but i think someone has seriously shaken her castanets this time.
long story made short, dearie and hubbie and four of their seven children have packed everything they own, bought 20 acres and a 1980 Winnebago and moved to Oklahoma. sounds a little liked they "loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly, Hills that is, swimming pools, movie stars..." you get the idea, and you aren't so far from wrong.
anyway, no running water, electricity, etc...they are basically squatters on their own land with the idea of building their own home on this piece of heaven or Heavener to be exact. that's the name of the town.
and i'm going to visit. good news, there is a state park within minutes of their land and they have cabins. looking forward to the time away and i'm sure in my quest to write more, this weekend will give me lots of fodder!
who knows, maybe while i'm there i'll do a little huntin' and see if "up through the ground came a bubblin' crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea." couldn't hurt.
i'll say hello to jed and grannie too.
peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)